dildotothestars:

headbangingsappho:

the post-credits scene of infinity war 2 is gonna be thor going to a tattoo parlor to get that tattoo to commemorate loki he was supposed to get in ragnarök but when it’s done it says ‘loki is the best’ instead of ‘loki was the best’ (in like.. really shitty handwriting) and thor’s like “you’ve made a mistake my good sir” and the tattoo artist’s like “or did i?” and he transforms back into loki and thor’s just

And then Loki stabs him

linaxtic:

silvysartfulness:

prokopetz:

prokopetz:

fledgling-witch:

prokopetz:

prokopetz:

Some day I’m going to have to come up with a crack headcanon about what exactly is up with the body types in Hyrule’s royal family.

I mean, yeah, it’s probably just dramatic license, but if you take it as fully diegetic, King Hyrule is a straight up beast of a man.

Ganondorf is Gerudo, so there’s at least some textual justification for him being a lanky ogre-man, but what’s King Hyrule’s excuse?

He’s like eight feet tall, and about three feet broad at the shoulder; his fist is the size of an ordinary man’s head!

And yet his daughter consistently has totally average proportions.

There’s something funny going on with the royal bloodline, is what I’m saying.

@dovsherman replied:

Zelda is very young. Give her another ten or twenty years and she may grow to look a lot more like her father.

Okay, this is hands-down my favourite response, even if it is facetious. I absolutely need to see fanart of a thirtysomething Zelda who’s inherited her father’s inhuman proportions.

We’re thinking all wrong here. This has nothing to do with family bloodline:

In Zelda games, fully grown adult rulers are just bigger than everyone else. You gain a position of authority, and you get big.

The kings of Hyrule? Great big fellas. Ganondorf? Huge. The Zora kings? Gargantuan. The zora queen’s ghost? Far bigger than any living zora in Twilight Princess. Headmaster Gaepora of the Knights’ Academy in Skyloft? Towering. King Bulbin? Absolute unit. Kaneli, the owl leader of the Rito? Biggest bird in the village. The leader of the ancient robots or the Parellae? Literally dragons. Midna, once restored to her throne? Statuesquely tall. Elderly Impa? The largest Sheikah if you include her hat, which is a moral imperative.

So a Zelda who takes the throne WILL be larger than other Hylians, but not because of genealogy, but because it’s part of the job description. The only possible alternative is that I’m confusing cause and effect and Zelda will never gain political power because of her lack of extreme girth.

Here’s a quick comparison of a typical species member:

And here’s a leader of the same species:

Now there’s a fun idea. I wonder if you gradually grow into it, or whether our hypothetical Queen Zelda will just don the crown and instantly “power up” to full imperial stature, like Mario picking up a mushroom?

@ultimatwilight9001 replied:

*looks at r34* well internet, you know what to do

Nah, Rule 34 artists would screw it up –
either

they’d give her biceps-like-sacks-of-boulders bodybuilder physique, or else they’d just make her really fat. Neither of those particularly reflect the Standard Hyrulian Imperial Build, at least not for Hylians.

Did anyone say giant, middle-aged Queen Zelda? Because that is a delightful concept.

And for the record, biceps-like-rocks and/or fat sounds awesome too, and I’d love to see it drawn!

All I wanna do

Is see you turn into

A giant woman

undanewneon:

aridotdash:

themintycupcake:

madgastronomer:

hojolove:

vampireapologist:

ppl are so annoying “you can’t paint ur bedroom pink you’re an adult” i did not spend my entire life waiting to grow up and control my life to paint my bedroom beige

I had a sales woman in furniture store try and tell me not to buy a hot bubblegum pink loveseat because she wanted me to “think about the future”

Bitch, I am thinking about the future. I already got a hot bubblegum pink couch at home and now I need a loveseat to go with it.

when I first bought my house, I announced my decision to paint my bedroom purple. I had wanted a purple bedroom for thirty damn years, you fucking bet I was gonna have one now. My friends decided, for some reason, that I meant what one of them referred to as “14 year old girl purple” (through what’s wrong with the colors a 14 year old girl chooses, I don’t know, even if they’re not what I want as an adult). They didn’t believe me until they saw the color on the actual wall, even thought they helped me pick out paints. My mother, meanwhile, decided to get worried that if I painted my bedroom a “dark purple”, it would be “depressing”. As if, with an entire house to live in, I would spend all my time in the bedroom, which I wanted to be dark because I would be sleeping in there. In the damn dark.

I had like one, maybe two friends who were all like FUCK YEAH YOU PAINT IT WHATEVER COLOR YOU WANT, PURPLE BEDROOMS ARE AWESOME.

But when they actualy saw the finished bedroom, every single one of them was like, “Oh yeah, that’s really pretty.” (Well, the ones who supported me from the beginning were more like WOOHOO.)

And the moral of the story is: Fuck ‘em, please yourself. Either they’ll come around, or you can safely ignore every question of taste they opine about for the rest of time.

This applies to other adulting activities, too. When I was a kid, I decided that I wanted to have a wedding cake made of doughnuts. When I got older, I figured that I would be “mature” about it and get a traditional cake, which the older adults approved of. Now that I’m 25 and facing the possibility of actual marriage in the near future, I’m just like “marriage is a social construct but it comes with tax & insurance benefits, so just give me that goddamn doughnut cake.” If they don’t like it then they don’t have to come to my wedding.

https://xkcd.com/150/

I would like you all to view my office. I’m thirty and my rainbow room is awesome, people can fight me

fidnru:

middle aged white man with trump maga van sends pipe bombs and anthrax to 13 prominent democratic politicians, donors, and media outlets.

middle aged white man who claims he ‘doesn’t shoot whites’ attempts to enter a black church for a massacre, fails, and murders two random black strangers in a grocery store.

middled aged white man yells ‘all jews must die!’ before entering a synagogue during shabbat and opening fire. the news is still breaking, but at least eight people are confirmed dead.

it’s been 48 hours.

legolokiismighty:

homo-nerd-grizz:

thecolorplaid:

lolzman87:

umbreeunix:

theparkerpapers:

and dont forget no microtransactions

And is a complete game with no missing elements. The DLC is only additional content that is separate from the main game, and doesnt lock you out of any content for not owning it.

Even the preorder bonuses weren’t exclusive, you could just unlock them sooner.

it’s almost like people enjoy offline, single-player, story-based games. 

paranoidhousecats:

grimm-fairy:

swingsetindecember:

ok, i’m built like a noble ox. like i am 6′1 and i am sturdy lady. like thighs for days. if you try to move me. you will be moved. body images aside (lol, i am self conscious about my size, yeah it’s life) 

so like, i am very used to girls standing next to me in public places. i end up acquiring a pack of ladies. just because women are like, that lady is a lady men stay away from. i am jerk kryptonite (usually, i get my fair share of creeps, such is life) but most men have self preservation that this 6′1 ox will break them. and i will

so usually i am in my own phone and look up to another lady standing next to me. and i will immediately look up and make eye contact and nod. like, you know, that nod. i see you and you can talk if there is something wrong. i end up on a reg basis being a defacto bodyguard to these young ladies and small women while waiting for buses and in the metro. 

i am a large oak tree. i protect the other birds. 

ladies, we all got roles. find tree in the wild. we’re always happy to provide shelter from the creeps.

i’ve regularly said, “move on, she doesn’t want to be your friend”

I’m in love

Story time: So I’m 6’2 and “big boned” as my mother would call it. This happens to me all the time and a couple years ago I managed to get the the front row of a Macklemore concert. This woman, probably 5’4, squeezes up next to me and says, “Hey, I’m here alone, do you mind if I stand in front of you?” Of course not. So we’re all having a good time, dancing around, when all of a sudden this Bro™️ is behind me telling me that I’m too tall to be in the front row and it’s not fair. Now, keep in mind that this concert was outside, in February, in Vail CO. It was FREEZING so not only am I of the stature I am but I had my hair up and a beanie on and a big coat and boots. We try our best to ignore him but Bro™️ is drunk and very clearly thinks I’m a man and proceeds to punch me in the back of the head.

LIL SIS WENT OFF, FOLKS. This tiny woman literally moved me out of the way, jumped up, and head butted Bro™️ in the face with such a fury. I thought she was going to kill him, it was truly a beautiful moment in my life.

The moral of the story is that for every tree in the wild there is a cute little birdy who will defend its shelter to the death. Stick together ladies👯‍♀️